Abernethy, Aberargie and Dron News

Last date for submissions

31st July 2017

Date of publication

1st September 2017

HAVE YOU GOT AAADD?

I went to the Doctor yesterday and I have been  diagnosed with Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder. This is how it manifests itself: I need to wash my car. As I start towards the garage, I notice that there’s mail on the hall table. I  decide to go through the mail before I wash the car. I lay my house keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the wastepaper basket under the table, and

notice that it is full. So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and empty it first. But then I think, since I'm going to be near the postbox when I take out the rubbish anyway, I may as well pay the bills first. I take my chequebook off the table, and see that there is only one cheque left. My extra cheques are in my desk in the study, so I go to my desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. I'm going to look for my cheques, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over. I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold. As I head toward the kitchen with the coke a vase of flowers on the sideboard catches my eye, they need to be watered. I set the Coke down on the sideboard, and I discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning. I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers. I set the glasses back down on the sideboard, fill a container with water and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table. I realise that tonight when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for the remote, but nobody will remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the lounge where it belongs, but first I'll water the flowers. I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor. So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill. Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

Now, it’s the end of the day. The car isn’t washed, the bills aren't paid, there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the sideboard, the flowers aren't watered, there is still only one cheque in my chequebook, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys. I try to work out why nothing got done today and I'm baffled because I’ve been busy and now I'm really tired. I realise this is a problem and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mails.

Douglas Cooper